Now YOU :: 52 of YOU

I signed up for an online workshop called Now YOU :: 52 of YOU, it is a self portrait workshop that spans an entire year. If you are like me, you might be thinking why would anyone want to take a year's worth of self portraits.  How true.  So before you judge me {wink} here is why.  There is very little documentation of my life before I was an adult.  That made picture taking, or documenting my family's life, that much more important to me.  I love pictures, everybody's pictures, all pictures, they are a window into one's life, a moment captured.  That said, I do not like being in the pictures, pathetic, and cliche I know.  I have my reasons, for instance, I have never lost my pregnancy weight, and feel very uncomfortable in this body of mine.  Another reason is if there really is such a thing as not being photogenic, I would definitely fall into that category.  This is not just my own opinion, my family most often agrees.  When I am in a picture, I rarely look like what I see in a mirror, and in a really bad way.  When we take pictures, my kids will look at the viewing screen,  laugh, then say, sorry mom it's not good.     We will try, then try again.  It usually lends itself to lots of laughter because I'm just not photogenic.   So  a few years ago I saw a movie called The Family Stone.  I will try not spoil it for you, so I will just say at the end of the movie each of the family members received a gift, which was a black and white framed photograph of their mother from days gone by, during one of her pregnancies.  It was a precious gift, and it broke my heart.  It was a sad reminder that in all our memories I have documented, I am not in them.  I don't have photographs of old hair styles, a face without wrinkles, young hands, bad fashion choices, laughing, crying, interacting with my kids, my husband, my friends, my existence, proof that I was here.  The good, the bad, and the ugly.

I don't remember how I came across the Now YOU workshop, but when I did, and I saw that it was a year long workshop, with 2 shutter sisters,  I wanted to be apart of it.  I knew on my own I would never take self portraits, it feels vain, and very uncomfortable.  But through the workshop and the weekly prompts, it would be a good excuse, or permission if you will.  Through this process, maybe I would learn what angles work, how to light myself better, or maybe I would just come to peace with this self.  Either way, it would be a win win situation.

So here I am, taking self portraits, lots of them.  I am not so brave as to share them with people I know, but I do share them with the Now of YOU community.  While I will not be sharing them on my fb page,  I decided I might (I do reserve the right to change my mind, right?) post some of the photos here on my blog, maybe.   My ipod is full of these photos, and I would be horrified if anyone were to discover that.  What would they think?  Ah, change takes time.......

So here is from my first assignment, my first self portrait at arms length.  Taken with my ipod.